Movie Review: Something Borrowed

Hey, everyBUDDY! Welcome to my first movie review. I will attempt not to spoil the movie too much, but honestly, how can you spoil something that should have been taken out to the dumpster to begin with?

WHY ON EARTH DID WE WATCH THIS?

We were browsing the Zune instant movies on xbox live when my husband randomly watched the preview for this movie. In order to ward off another night of entertainment indecision I said it looked ok but was curious as to what would actually possess him to watch it. He said something charming along the lines of “A movie with hot chicks in it is a movie with hot chicks in it.”

He has a jones for the lovely Miss Ginnifer Goodwyn. Also, he is now surrounded by women in the house, so I’m thinking he has accepted his fate and he realizes he will be needing to watch a few chick flicks in place of his steady diet rich in sci-fi movies, Smallville, Star Trek and documentaries.

I accepted because even though I loathe wedding themed movies for the most part, I have a bit of a thing for John Krasinski. I blame The Office. That and because when my husband wants to watch anything other than what I have listed as his mainstays, I’ve learned not to be picky. I take what I can get! With that question of our sanity satisfactorily answered (I hope), I will begin my examination.

WHAT I LIKED:

THE PEOPLE: John Krasinski. DUH. He’s always amazing. Even though he gets type cast, he is always this witty, funny, genuinely nice guy and I can’t help but root for him in everything he does. And there is a shortage of those guys right now, in case you hadn’t noticed.  Also, the other caveman inspired side character, played by Steve Howey, who I recognized as the hot dude on Reba from the two whole episodes of it that I watched several years back. These two pretty much stole the movie from the other three who are supposed to be the main characters. They got me through it.

SCENES: There were a few scenes that I thought really skillfully done. Stealing a kiss in the middle of a new york street in the dark surrounded by the lights from cars. A pajama party dance scene between the two main chicks, who, I must confess, really pulled off that choreography. I had no idea Ginnifer Goodwyn was such a good dancer. I already liked her before, but after about half of this movie she was starting to annoy me. And then… she DANCED and thus gained back the favor this horrible movie had stolen from her.

The beach scenes were really nice to see, but I couldn’t get past how annoying Jennifer Hudson’s character was long enough to enjoy them. I guess that is kind of the point of her character. I also kept thinking why are all these people so bloody rich that they can afford not only to live in NYC, but they can also afford to got to the Hamptons every other weekend? In truth, I kind of despised all of them for that.

WHAT I HATED:

THE PEOPLE: The three main characters were TERRIBLE people! Brainless primates, cheating on their bf/gf, self-centered, showing no remorse for their actions, shallow… PATHETIC. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know that not every character in a movie can be a good one and that even the good ones must have flaws. That’s just reality. But seriously Hollywood, COME ON.

Please make movies about real people because these characters are completely lacking in qualities like intelligence, integrity, courage, altruism and morality. You don’t have to be a bible-thumper from the sticks to be starving for a little more moral and emotional depth from your characters. I’m sure even the millions of REAL people in good ol’ NYC would like that. We want genuine people, with lives that are realistic and actual problems, that can also make us laugh. Is that really so hard to grasp?

THE PLOT: Oh good grief. They’re up. They’re down. Cheating. Lying. Manipulating. He loves me. He loves me not. The plot wound around and twisted and changed so often I got whiplash! Just when you think the characters can’t get any more horrible, they do, over and over again, and then they make miserable attempts to redeem themselves. Just more overly dramatic garbage to make stupid women swoon and intelligent men loathe chick movies all the more. I guess it’s back to sci-fi and documentaries for me for a while. A romantic comedy won’t be viewed on movie night again for three months after this fiasco. Thanks a lot, Jerks.

I don’t even know why in the world John Krasinski’s character was a side character, he should have been the main romantic lead. It really felt like his character line was just floating around, not really that attached to anything going on with the main characters, other than being forced to tag along after them to be a shoulder to cry on for  miss whiny pants main character Ginner Goodwyn and some much needed comic relief to keep the viewers from shutting the movie off or walking out of the theater.

Even though the main guy, Colin Egglesfield, looked pretty hot walking on the beach barefooted with his shirt unbuttoned, all tan and everything, I’m sorry, that’s all he was good for to me in this film. His character was completely unlikeable to me. He was a nice guy doing all the things that nice guys don’t do. He was a mythological creature. Don’t even get me started on how the movie ended. And the sad thing is, it wasn’t so much bad acting on his part, or any of their parts, as it was just badly written characters. Maybe they weren’t badly written, maybe I am just incapable of having fellow feeling for characters as weasely as these were.

I mean, seriously. Movies about shallow, moral free, wealthy overgrown children living in NYC? Can any one say “Hollywood Cliche'”? Do the movie makers not realize that there are A LOT of people living in places other than New York? REAL PEOPLE. Just because they don’t wear clothes that cost more than the yearly income of most third world families and aren’t out working for fashion magazines, modeling, bumping elbows with celebrities and eating sushi on a daily basis doesn’t make their lives uninteresting. Even the real people that live in NYC surely aren’t this stupid, shallow and fickle. If I were them, I would hate you for the bad rap you’re giving me. Get a clue Hollywood. New Yorkers need better representation.

I give this one a 2. Bad B-Movie Material.

I guess I should think of some way to rate this on a scale of one to five. SO here’s the scale:

1. Total Waste: I can’t believe I actually spent money on this that I could have spent on books.

2. Bad B-Movie Material: I’d watch it once, if it were free, but would regret paying to see it.

3. Just OK: I’d rent it once, then maybe buy it on clearance and put it on while I’m cleaning.

4. Pretty Good: I’d buy it and watch it once or twice a year… I might even buy the book of it!

5. Awesome: I’d watch it in the theater, then buy it and watch it twice a month after that.

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